August 27, 2011

Cancel Apathy

Apathy (also called impassivity or perfunctoriness) is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation and passion. An apathetic individual has an absence of interest in or concern about emotional, social, spiritual, philosophical or physical life.

They may lack a sense of purpose or meaning in their life. He or she may also exhibit insensibility or sluggishness. The opposite of apathy is flow.[1] - Wikipedia

There were some time in my life that I've gone thru experiences that have scarred me forever and one of them was finding out that my father didn't want to be a part of my life and he didn't want me to be a part of his life. I was only 13 years old, sitting outside in front of my house, waiting for my estranged father to come and visit me. I had vivid memory of that day, the clothes I wore, the time I woke up, how I cleaned up my room and kitchen (after making breakfast). It was a beautiful day, perfect temperature at 76 degree. I waited for a few hours for my father to show up. He never did. It was also the day when my mom told me.

Love abandoned by a family member really hurt, a sharp pain throbbing during my waking hours for a few months. Then pain became dull but it still throbs. Today, it still is there in my heart, holed up.

Anger, resistance and skeptical built in me from time to time. By the time I realized it had shaped who I am, it's a long road to recover from it. There's always a hole inside me and sometimes I neglect it, sometimes I tried to comfort it and sometimes I just forget about it.

I'm an angry person at times but I tried to manage it with trying to find happiness from inside. I tried to keep up with positive attitudes on most days. On a few days, I'm lost.

I also have some apathy toward a certain of experiences in where I should have embrace it. It's rare that I've hurt a few people I like, hurt a few people I love and scared a few strangers I knew I would have a wonderful chance with them. And I know I have to do something about it.

Today is the beginning to cancel apathy. For these of you who think you're angry person at times, try to cancel apathy starting today.